Supervised peeing.

You know what's weird...
Having someone watch you pee. I had to take a drug test today for a new job. Some of them just lock you in a room with a toilet and no running water, and some lock themselves in there with you and stare at you as you try to "gracefully" pee in a cup. The no running water thing is an issue for me because, well I don't want to stand there with piss on my hands for 3 minutes until they validate my pee came out of my body at the proper temperature. But what really gets me is when they sit and stare at you while you do it. Nothing shuts down a bladder faster than someone staring at your vag. On top of that, my blood pressure usually sky rockets and my pulse is bounding and I almost pass out. Then I start wondering about everything I have ingested in the past 6 months. You know I did eat one of those suckers from the bank. Maybe those sneaky tellers coated them in something. It did taste kinda funny. And what about that time I dropped a fry on my kitchen floor and ate it. Maybe when I was walking outside I stepped in drugs and tracked them into my kitchen and now it's on my fry. And what about those Nerds candy... They suspiciously always jack kids up and make them crazy. So, now I am in the waiting room and I feel like they are eyeing me up and judging me. Then after all this, they want me to pee in a cup. Yeah, right!

UPDATE: I got the "no running water" test. Nobody watched me. But the lady didn't think it was funny when she asked if I have recently used any drugs and I responded with, "I'm not 100% sure. I dropped food on the floor last night and ate it." She gave me a look that said, "are you high right now?" And if there would have been a box that said "is patient currently exhibiting signs or symptoms of intoxication?" She would have definitely checked yes.